I've been doing OK, but today was kind of hard. I was OK until Chris called me on my lunchbreak at work - and we talked on really good terms. True to his form (and not to my surprise), he's doing just fine without me. Not in a smug way, but in a "well, what can I do about it? You've made up your mind" kind of way. That's just the way he is. Not that I wanted him to desperately try to get me back, but it would have made me feel...well, I guess it would have helped my ego a bit. But I'm glad he's mostly alright.
He called to tell me a funny story about one of his friends. We talked like best friends, like we always have. That's what made it so hard. Its just so hard to imagine my life without him, because he's been my life for 4 1/2 years. Who do I call on my lunchbreak to chat? Who is the first person I think of when I have a story to tell? Who do I call when I'm bored and just want to hang out?
Its not so much a matter of being alone. I've always been independent, and I"ll be fine. Its just that my whole life has to change now because I'm not with Chris. I can't let myself see him, at least not for a while, so I can get used to this whole 'being without him' thing. Otherwise I'm afraid we'll just fall back into old habits, and nothing will have changed, and everything will be confusing. We aren't meant to be together. Its just what we're used to.
Sorry to be all gloomy, but I just got done watching the Sex and the City movie, and it was so lovey-dovey, and happy-ending-ish, and I just needed to get that out.