Sunday, April 11, 2010

I'm trying.

Today was pretty hard for me. I stayed busy for the first half of the day, and got a lot accomplished. (I forgot to add earlier that I put all of my goldfish out in the pond today, so they're happy). But when I ran out of things to do (OK, that never happens, but I ran out of things that I could do mindlessly), my day sort of stalled.
I'm trying to just keep myself busy (which really shouldn't be hard, because I have a lot to do in the near future), but a) its hard to stay motivated; b) I'm having a hard time concentrating sometimes; and c) doing the things that I need to be doing is actually the hardest (like figuring out where I'm going to live/work/etc. in Texas) and makes me really sad. So I'm avoiding doing those things right now. Like always, I'm just reminding myself to take things one step at a time, little-by-little.
I'm really irritable and, frankly, not very nice right now. Not that its a good excuse (but it is an excuse!), but I'm just sad....and angry.... at life. It will pass. But its hard. And I don't like being not-nice. I just don't feel any joy right now, so its hard to be nice, or at least in a good mood. Or even civil. But, I know it will pass. Someday I'll feel happy again. I'm actually considering going to the counselor on campus tomorrow. I've never been, but I just think it might be a good idea, maybe just to figure out a strategy to deal with my feeling of loss. I know I have a lot to look forward to, its just difficult to actually look forward to it. I don't know. I think its worth a shot. And its free during the regular semester, so I might as well take advantage of it for the next 3 weeks.
In the meantime, a few more things that make me happy:
Avocadoes, clean dogs, mango salsa, a clean room, an organized bookcase, paintings of ships, and Oreos.

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