Tuesday, April 13, 2010

A little better.

Teddy called yesterday. We talked for a long time, and I feel a lot better about everything. I mean, I still feel terrible, but much less terrible now.
There is no animosity between us; this split is 100% amicable. Teddy truly feels that this is necessary in order for him to be able to put 100% effort into his schoolwork. I have to respect that. He also said that this is the biggest sacrifice he has ever had to make. Of course, I will never understand why he has to make this sacrifice, but I understand that he feels that he does. I just feel a lot better knowing that I don't have to beat myself up over this. Our feelings for each other haven't changed, which for some reason just makes this a lot easier. At first I thought that he just stopped loving me, and that was what was the worst part, I think. Of course, at the same time, I feel like this whole thing is stupid and pointless because if two people love each other, they should be together, but... there's really nothing I can do about it at this point. I think the only thing I can do is concentrate on what's best for my future, and keep my head up.
On the more practical side of things (which has also been a major source of stress to me recently), Teddy said I don't have to worry about hurrying to box up all of my stuff from the apartment; I can think of it as 'free storage' until I find a place. That's a big relief. He also pointed out that I have my scooter, and a scooter-parking permit is much cheaper than for a car. So I don't necessarily have to worry about finding an apartment that's really close to campus at this point, either. Another huge relief.
So, I guess for now I'm just glad that we can talk to each other civilly, even as friends, and not feel any resentment or coldness. For now. I hope that we can keep it that way. I have no misconceptions about what the future may hold; nobody knows what the future holds. All I can do is take it one day at a time and keep an open mind, and hope that everything turns out OK, no matter what the outcome is.

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