Sorry for my silence the last week or so... I've been under a lot of stress.
I'm still under a lot of stress, but I just feel like I need to "talk" (ok, blog) about it some. I don't want to divulge a lot of information because its a very personal matter, but I think that blogging helps me to...I don't know, to clear my head. (Meds help, too.)
So, how do I say this without spilling my guts online? I guess the bottom line, and the thing that I found out that I need to be reminded of, is that nobody knows what will happen in their life. Heck, nobody really knows what's going to happen in 5 minutes. Anything is possible, be it good or bad (but we can hope for the best).
I'll admit that I like to have PLANS. You know, like LIFE plans. I love to think (maybe even daydream) about the future, and the promise it holds, and all of the little details about it - what my house will look like, what kind of car I'll drive, my job, my family.... and I think(?) that's pretty normal, especially for a 25 year old woman who is about to graduate from college and move on to the next stage of her life.
But what do you do when one little phrase changes everything you ever hoped for? Maybe nothing has changed at all, but because that one little phrase was uttered, its in the back of your mind, nagging at you, turning your stomach over and making you feel like you can't breath sometimes.
"I don't know."
I think. hope. pray. that phrase was spoken because of stress, and because of distance, and not because that person really "doesn't know".
Because I know. I've known for a long time. And that's why I hurt so much.