Finally....a good day!

via

Well, I think its safe to say I've actually had a pretty good day today! Finally!!

The sun is shining, there's not a cloud in the sky, and I got some good news today. Hooray!

I gave a 30-minute presentation to my Department's Advisory Board (which included the Mayor and a bunch of people who give the department a LOT of money). It went really well; I think they were all dazzled and charmed (ha-ha). No, seriously, it went well. I wasn't nervous or anything - I like speaking to groups. and my presentation was about the Curacao field course I took in January 2009, the research I did there, and my subsequent research, so I definitely knew what I was talking about! Afterward, members of the Board sounded really interested and had a lot of questions, and they all said I did a wonderful job. Yay, me.

Then, I came home and had a whole bunch of GOOD emails to read! Awesome! First of all, my contact from Texas A&M finally emailed me back about my internship for this summer (I was starting to get nervous because I hadn't heard from him - yikes!) - looks like I'm going to be continuing my research about the CVI (very cool; I didn't think I was going to be doing that, but that's awesome) AND the ultimate goal is to end up with a publication in a major journal! That is so awesome. PLUS....(drumroll).... it looks like I'll be spending a lot of time in Florida! Oh, darn. Man, I really picked the WRONG field, didn't I? ;)

Then, the icing of the cake was that Teddy's best friend's girlfriend (did you follow that??), who is graduating this month from the University of Texas with a Paleontology degree (very cool!) emailed me to tell me that I should give her a call in 2 weeks when I'm down in Texas, just to get together and do something fun! Yayyy! That makes me overly happy because it feels good to know that our 'mutual' friends are still MY friends, even though Teddy and I aren't together anymore. That makes me feel really, really good. Plus it gives me something to look forward to, which I really need right now. She mentioned a Paleo. dept. cookout which sounds fan-tas-tic to me!!

Let's see....what else? Umm... oh, I'm taking the GRE tomorrow morning at 8:00, in Harrisburg which is a good hour away from my house. Yayyy (not). So, I'm really not looking forward to that, BUT.... I have come to the conclusion that I will most likely have to take it a second time, anyway. At least, having taken it once, I will know what to expect and what to be studying. I probably shouldn't have scheduled the GRE for this weekend - anyone who reads this blog at all knows how busy I have been, and Monday starts Finals week. But, its not like my schedule is going to magically clear-up anytime soon. I think this is going to be the "Summer vacation that never was". And, I have also been thinking that it might really be the wiser thing to do to wait until the Spring semester to start grad school in Texas. I'll graduate in August and (literally) have about 1 week before the Fall semester starts. I just don't know how feasible this plan is. I think I would be perfectly OK with not stressing out about trying to get everything done to get in for Fall, get super-high GRE scores (which are required in order to get a T.A.), and deal with moving all of my stuff down to Texas in a hurry (which I still haven't figured out). At least I would have a few months to gather myself up... maybe even get a job?? *shock-horror* Plus, then I would only have to take out loans to pay for ONE semester at Texas instead of TWO..... hmmmmm.

OK, enough rambling. I'm just thinking/typing out-loud....err, sort-of.

Time for another cup of coffeeeeeee (at 5:00 p.m.)!!!!

The downfalls of being "Teacher's Pet"

I was bad and skipped my first class this morning. It was only my Seminar class, and we weren't doing anything today, so I decided my time would be better spent at home working on the thousand projects I have to do in the next few days. Skipping class gave me an extra 3 hours this morning to get stuff done!

I've spent all morning working on a 20 minute presentation I'm giving tomorrow to my department's Advisory Board. What is an Advisory Board, you may ask? Well, as it turns out, it is a board made up of members of local industries and agencies who "help the department and guide us through important projects and programs" (read: they decide whether or not we get funding for field courses and other good stuff). So I'm giving a presentation tomorrow about my experience in the Curacao field course last January, and how that class led me to my current research project which is award-winning and has probably gotten me into grad school. No pressure, right?

I don't get nervous about making presentations; I'm a pretty good speaker. But. I have SO MUCH WORK TO DO right now. This is just ONE MORE THING, for which I'm not even getting CREDIT. I'm doing this as a favor to Dr. C and our department head. Brownie points.

So here's what my 10-day forecast looks like:

Friday: Advisory Board presentation; study for GREs

Saturday: Take GRE at 8:00 a.m.; GTU picnic at Dr. H's house in the evening (not sure if I'm going to that.... unfortunately I probably just don't have time)

Sunday: Get together with Pat and study for the GIS final (Monday), work on our (just assigned yesterday) Sed. paper; finish final draft of a different Sed paper (also due Monday), and put together a 7-minute presentation for Sed (also to be given on Monday)

Monday: GIS final, Sed stuff described above is all due

Tuesday: Seminar assesment (not an exam) at 8:00 a.m., ISM final at 1:00

Wednesday: Latin America final at 3:30

Thursday: Econ final at 1:00

Friday: nothing (???)

Saturday: Fly to Texas for a week.

And it really doesn't get any better from there. My whole summer is sort-of a repeat of the above described week of Hell.

My day.

This is my cat sleeping on my bed. He sleeps like this 80% of the time. When he finally slides off the bed (and he always does), he makes it look like he meant to do that, and just kind of saunters away. Hilarious. And that's Daisy laying in the background.

I've had a somewhat-good and somewhat-odd kind of day.

I felt much better today than yesterday; I still woke up at 3:00 a.m., but I didn't have the weird, panicky, "why-am-I-alive-please-just-kill-me" feeling that I have had every other time I wake up at 3:00 a.m....which has been every night for the past, oh, two weeks or so. I just have too much on my mind right now.

Anyway, school went well because a) its the last week of classes, and we're not really doing anything in class (outside of class is another story, but I'll get to that in a minute); and b) I checked in with the Financial Aid office today and found out that I'm being awarded $1300 in Federal grants, which pays for half of my classes this summer. Sweeeet.

Then I went to Target and picked up some portfolios and tab dividers (oh, the excitement) for a school project (just one of my many), and I found Tazo Passion Tea on sale for $2.50 for a box! That's like half-price. Awesome. Then I came home and made some breadsticks, which came out amazing... I bought the mix at the Amish discount store for (seriously) like $0.35. They were sooooo good with hummus; I ate like 6 of them, haha.

Then...I started on homework. That was around 4:00, I believe. It is now 9:30, and I am still working. I'm actually just taking a break right now because a) I need a break; and b) I'm waiting for my friend to email me back with an answer to a question I just asked her. I.am.so.tired. I'm really thinking about just calling it quits for the night and finishing up......I don't know when. This stuff is due tomorrow, and I work in the morning. Whatever. I'm exhausted, so I'm probably not even doing quality work right now. I'd rather just finish this up sometime tomorrow. I think I've at least got the hardest part done. I think.

Good-ta-Go!

via WeHeartIt

So, yesterday I went to my friend Pat's house to work on our (last!!!) GIS lab. We finished off 2 pots of coffee and spent SIX HOURS working on it. And its still not 100% done; I still have to do the write-up! But its not due until Wednesday, so that's fine.

Anyway, after we finished our lab, I headed over to meet my other friend Mary and a few of her friends at this new place in town called Good-ta-Go. Mary had told me about it a few days ago, and I was sooo stoked to go. Its basically like a cafe, except with BEER. Yeah. They have wifi, and food, and BEER.

I was wondering how I had never heard of this place before, and it turns out they literally just opened last week. They haven't even had their official "grand opening" yet. Let me tell you, I'm not really much of a beer drinker, but this place is AWESOME. Not to dis the small towns around here, but its almost too cool for this area. But maybe this is a sign that the area is evolving (good!).

The atmosphere is really relaxed...it is NOT a bar. Its very casual, with big windows and cheery decor - really very much like a cafe. They have food items (not much for vegans, but I did get chips and salsa) and about 10 beers on tap. If its your first time in, you get a free beer on tap! Very cool. Then, the rest of the place is filled with single-bottles of just about every variety of beer you can imagine. They also have a section of wine coolers, Mike's Hard Lemonade, and the such. Anyway, I had a free Yuengling on tap (good!), and then I picked a bottle of Dogfish Head "Aprihop" apricot beer. It didn't taste much like apricots, but it was good! The prices were really good, too, which makes it easy for someone like me (who is by no means a beer connoisseur) to experiment and try different things. It was really fun! They also sell mix-and-match "create your own" 6-packs, so that's really cool! I definitely want to do that sometime.

You can read a newspaper article about Good-ta-Go here

I'm a winner!

Eeee, I'm so excited!

I won an Earth-day giveaway over at Tiffany's awesome blog!! I stop by her blog every day; her blog makes me smile even when I'm having the very worst kind of day. If you've never seen her blog before, get yourself over there soon! She has an awesome vintage shop, loves hipster boys with mustaches (who doesn't?), and has Tattoo Tuesdays.... I guarantee you will love her blog!

Being a Geoenvironmental scientist, Earth Day is especially awesome to me, so thank you, Tiffany!

via WeHeartIt

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Aside from my luck at winning the giveaway, I have spent my entire day doing schoolwork. What's new? Phew. At least I feel like I accomplished something today. I still have 72,687,450,897 things to do for the coming week, but at least I've made a (small) dent!

The Ins-and-Outs of the Vegan Beauty Regime.

via WeHeartIt

On Thursday, I was talking to some friends about how difficult it can be (especially in the area where I live) to find vegan-friendly beauty products. Things as simple as, like, deoderant or facial moisturizer. Luckily, I have been able to find those things, but when it comes to facial cleansers, acne medication, etc. I have really had a hard time in the past.

So, I have compiled a list of the products that I use, all of which are cruelty-free.

Shower time:

- E-sen-cia by Samy "white lotus, barley & nettle" shampoo & conditioner

- Alba Passion Fruit bodywash

- Desert Essence "Throroughly Clean Face Wash"

Beauty time:

- Tom's of Maine Apricot deoderant (this is the BEST deoderant I have ever used, ever.)

- Alba hibiscus facial toner

- Alba papaya-mango body butter

- Sonia Kashuk mineral concealer

- Sonia Kashuk SPF15 tinted moisturizer

- Sonia Kashuk powder blush

- Wet 'n Wild eyebrow pencil

- Clinique Touch-Tint for Eyes (Nude Sparkle)

- Clinique eyeliner

- Clinique lash-doubling mascara

In my purse:

- Grounded in Nature Tangerine lip balm (new favorite!!!)

- Victorias Secret "Love Rocks" body mist

- Bath & Body Works "Sea Island Cotton" hand lotion OR

- Burt's Bees lotion

So, that's about it. Seeing it in writing, it looks like I spend a ton of time in front of a mirror, doesn't it? Haha! I really don't. Most of my time is spent at the store scanning the fine-print on the backs of bottles to make sure they're cruelty-free! There is, however, a faster/easier way - CaringConsumer.com has .pdfs that list companies that DO and companies that DON'T test their products on animals. Very cool!

And, the Burt's Bees company just came out with an all-natural toothpaste! Awesome! Go to their website to print out a $1 off coupon! I already got mine!

This is what my day was like.

I spent the first 6 or 7 hours of my day putting together a presentation for Wednesday about a rock formation in Pennsylvania. Yeah.

Then I went to campus and worked for 2 hours on the image you see above... its a cross-section of the Cumberland Valley. Now I have to draw-in and label all of the rock units. Sounds easy? Its not.

Then I came home and spent an hour or two taking an online Microsoft Access exam. That wasn't so bad. One less thing on my neverending list.

Its only 7:30, so I feel like I still have time to get some more work done, but.... I'm tired. I've used up all of the brainpower I had for today, I think.

In other news, I got the most awesome (and actually comfortable) sandals at Target yesterday for only $16!! (It looks like they're still $22 on the website, but they were on sale at my local store!)

I also had to have this adorable dress.

I had a weird day today. I don't know why, I just felt really....weird. All day long.

Maybe its because I know how much work I have to do this weekend.

It's NOT going to be fun.

via We Heart It

Anyway, happy Earth Day!

New-Old Stuff

Its been a while since I went thrifting, and yesterday was my lucky day! Well, let me back up - Wednesday mornings I clean house for an older couple, Jim and Julie. Actually, I clean BOTH of their houses - I do housework in the house they currently live in, and occasionally we go over to the house they used to live in and left a lot of stuff in. This stuff is awesome. Jim and Julie are in their late 60s - early 70s, and you can imagine how much stuff they have accrued over the past few decades. And its cool stuff. So anyway, Julie and I go over to the old house and clean and sort through all of the stuff. Some of it goes to their current residence, some goes to the Goodwill, some goes to auction, and some just gets thrown out. And, Julie has told me many times, if there is anything I see that I want, just ask and 9 times out of 10, I'm welcome to it. For free.

So yesterday, we were cleaning the basement, which is filled with awesome stuff. I walked by this teal-blue window fan like 10 times before I decided I just had to have it. I even offered to buy it from Julie, because I'm pretty sure its worth a little bit of money, but she insisted I just take it.

So cool. And it works.

I also filled a small box with other treasures...

Are those teeth not hilarious? Jim is a retired dentist, and Julie found the worst (best!) ones for me, haha.

And that little vial of gold fillings? OMG.

So I was super-stoked when I left their house yesterday, and just had to go to the thrift store that's just down the street. And its a good thing I did. I got a new set of sheets and a pretty (and good quality!) afghan for my bed.

I also got a cute pink skirt (Gap kids!) hahaha.

It was an awesome thrifting day.

A garden party

Pretty clothes from Modcloth make me want to go stroll in the park...

Its Magical

I have found my true calling.

If everything else falls through, I'm going to be a Magician's Assistant.

What, you think I'm kidding? I'm 5' 2", I weigh like 110 lbs, and I fit into most overhead compartments.

I'm being 100% serious when I say I would love that job.

And those shoes.

Size 7.5, in case anyone was wondering....

I love Monday.

Ugh. Remember earlier when I said I thought the day would just fly right by? I was so wrong. This has been the loooongest day ever. I did decide to stay home from school today. I'm exhausted, and I don't know why. Maybe its just allergies? Or I'm just over-worked. I don't know. But I have to feel better tomorrow, because tomorrow is the Celebration of Student Research Symposium on campus - I'll be photographed for the university magazine, and have to present my poster for 1.5 hours. Plus I have my 3 normal classes. Yay.

I got a lot done today, at least. I took a practice GRE, and scored much better than I thought I would. And I know I can bring my scores up even higher with some more studying, so that's really good. High scores are my ticket to a teaching assistantship!

I also finished the second part of a large research paper for my sed. geology class. Not a lot of fun, but at least its done. Now I just have to put part 1 and part 2 together and edit, edit, edit it into a good, coherent paper. That shouldn't be too bad...I think.

Now, I think I'm going to lay back and relax for a while. I need to rest up for my busy day tomorrow!

My brain hurts.

I get the feeling today is going to fly by faster than....something really, really fast. That's not good. I have SOOOOOOO much to do, and I think the day just won't be long enough to do it all. And, I don't feel well today. I don't know what's wrong with me; for the past few days I've been just exhausted all the time and just generally weak. I've been getting like 11-12 hours of sleep every night, and I wake up feeling like I haven't slept in a week. I was shaking like a leaf this morning when I tried to pour my coffee! Not cool.

I'm debating whether I want to go to classes today. I kind of feel like I want to stay home and get some stuff done... which sucks because then I'll be behind from not being in classes today. But, I just feel like I need this day. I already did like 205457568 hours worth of work this morning, and there is plenty more that I could do. I also took the practice GRE today and scored fairly well - I can definitely afford to bring up my quantitative score, but I did much better than I expected. That's good.

I did another quick apartment search last night before I went to bed... I found a few that look really promising! Sent out a few emails with questions, now I'm just waiting to hear back. I'd like to check out a few places next month while I'm down there. After spending so much time searching and browsing properties, I really think my best bet is to find a place that has ALL UTILITIES included. Its expensive, but I'd rather just write one check every month, and not have any unexpected charges. That being said, it looks like I'm probably going to be looking at living in a big apartment complex, rather than renting a single-family home or a duplex. Maybe. I don't know. I'm still concerned about having a yard for Daisy. Most places say 'pet-friendly', but I really want her to be able to spend time outside and get some exercise! But, there are lots of parks (and a dog park) near campus and the apartment complexes, so.... maybe it would be good for us BOTH to go out and play at a park!

Anyway, first things first - I have to get accepted to A&M first!

Plasticland

Holy crap, how did I not know about Plasticland before??

I neeeeed all of the above items. Thanks.

Sunday

Today, I went rock-hunting with my friend Pat for an assignment. Didn't find anything super-cool, but it was fun anyway.

Then I went to Target and boughta new candle and some mini reed diffusers for my room. I needed a Spring-y scent.

Then I went to the grocery store and bought all of the necessities - a bag of avocados, pumpernickel-rye swirl bread, hummus, coconut bars (like granola bars, except they're just made of 100% shredded coconut. Delicious.), mango-strawberry lemonade, and bagels.

I came home and steam-cleaned my carpet (it smelled like dog, ew), and now...I'm putting-off doing any work. I have plenty to do, its just..... I don't wanna. After spending literally my entire day yesterday doing a GIS lab, and nothing else.... I find myself rebelling against doing much work today. I'll do it in the morning.

Now, I think perhaps I will have a cup of coffee (or tea?) and sort-of do some work.... but not actual work. Just piddly little things. We'll see.

Getting better every day.

I have finally sort-of 'given in' to the idea that I am going to have to take out a gazillion more dollars in student loans this coming year. I hate the fact that I will have to be paying for part of my graduate degree - you're never supposed to have to pay for your grad. degree! But, circumstances are a little weird, and its only for one year. At least I will be getting a scholarship that will give me in-state tuition.

That being said, I have been thinking about the logistics of everything, and I think I have decided that I will have to be OK with living off of loans for the year...*cringe* I had lunch with my advisor last week and had a little mini freak-out when we were talking about my options. He said there's no way I will have time to work an actual job, and since I there aren't any assistantships available.... my options are either:

1. to live with my grandparents (which I would be perfectly fine with, except a) I don't want to invite myself; b) I wouldn't be able to pay them at all, and I feel weird about that; c) their house is sort-of far from campus and not on the bus route, so it would be difficult)

OR

2. to  find an apartment closer to campus, and pay rent using student loans.

At this point, I'm actually leaning toward renting a place on my own. I've been scouring craigslist and newspapers, and I think I can find a decent place for about $400-$500 a month. Not great, but not terrible. My main concern is having a fenced-in yard for Daisy. Fortunately, it seems like the vast majority of apartments are pet-friendly, thank goodness! Its also good that she's not any bigger than she is; the cut-off for most places seems to be about 25 lbs. and I think Daisy is just under. Like, 24 lbs.

So anyway, I'm actually starting to look forward to the move again. Still sad about this whole situation, but... I'm focusing on the positives instead of the negatives, and boy does that make life much easier! For one, I am super-excited to "nest" again - I love arranging furniture, hanging art, buying curtains...its ridiculous, really. And I really kind of enjoy living alone. I mean, I wouldn't rather be alone than with my special somebody, but... I don't mind it at all. Peace and quiet.

Pretty much adorable.

I've been poring over Apartment Therapy the past few evenings before I go to bed. There are some awesome, tiny apartments out there. I had forgotten how much I love design, its been so long since I even thought about art/design at all. Probably 2 years. See? There's an example of me using this opportunity to focus on myself again, and not think negative thoughts. Its good for me to get back to some of the things I love, like art and design.

A few apartments I really like here, here, here

I would just love to live here, but guess what. Its an Anthropologie store. Go figure.

All images from We Heart It

Something kind-of cool

So, part of what I do at school is called GIS, which simply stands for Geographic Information Systems. Of course, its not simple at all, but it is pretty cool (once you get the hang of it).

My latest lab is, I think, the coolest so far. This is where GIS becomes useful in the real world, and I can actually imagine people doing this at a real job. This lab required us to georeference aerial photographs and "mosaic" them together. The ultimate purpose of the lab is to estimate the damage caused by Hurricane Katrina in Gulfport, Mississippi by examining pre- and post-Katrina aerial photography. Pretty cool.

Here are the 3 photos I started out with:

And here is my finished mosaic, which you can see layers the photos on top of one another to create one large image of the entire coastline.

I have a separate digital ortho-image (pre-Katrina) to compare my mosaic to. From these images, I can survey how many buildings were damaged, which roads were inundated, etc.
I think this is a pretty cool lab. I can imagine doing this. Actually, I can imagine that I will have to use similar techniques in measuring shoreline change for my research... cool.

Anyway, that's what I've been doing this morning. I still need to drink 5 more cups of coffee, shower, and then go out in the field with my friend Pat to find some rocks that I'm supposed to be writing a giant paper about. Its not a nice day outside, bleh.

A series of inspirational photos

Just some random images (all from WeHeartIt) that inspired me today.

And a little bit of geology-humor. Haha.

Geologists are cooler than Geographers.

Well, its official. Geologists are wayyy cooler than Geographers (Here's PROOF). I went to the AAG conference in D.C. yesterday, and I have to admit, I was a little disappointed. I mean, it was...OK. There was only 1 session that I was even remotely interested in yesterday, and then.... that was it. But I am still half-Geographer, and I do love maps so. So, I've sprinkled some interesting interpretations of maps throughout this post (all via WeHeartIt).

So after we were satisfied that we had seen everything interesting at the conference, my friends and I left and walked down Conneticutt Ave. to find something to eat. We found an awesome mediterranean bistro that was having a $3 sangria AND $3 pita with hummus deal, so we sat at a table outside and enjoyed. Mmmmm.

Then (this is so weird), I glanced up from my sangria and saw my (potential) advisor from A&M walking down the street. What?! I swear, right then I knew that any doubts I had about whether I should still be going down to Texas from grad school were erased. What are the odds that I would be sitting at that restaurant at the exact right moment to see him walking down the street?

He was on the phone when I saw him, so I sent him a text message really quick. He called me right back and he and a colleague came by and chatted for a few minutes. They invited us to "the party to attend at AAG" (LSU + TAMU). I really wish I could have gone, but I drove up with my friend Pat, and I would have had to gotten a hotel room ($200+ a night), AND I didn't have a change of clothes or even MAKEUP for the next day, so....unfortunately, I didn't get to go. I'm still pretty bummed about that. But it was really cool to see Dr. H and get to chat for a few minutes.

The session he organized (for the marine and coastal group, ahem) is Saturday at 8:00 a.m. I really want to go to that, of course, but I'm still trying to work out the logistics of getting to D.C. before 8:00 a.m....I could take the metro, but I'd have to leave here no later than 6:00... I guess that's really not that bad, and on a Saturday.... I don't know. I really should go... that's really the only other session I'm interested in seeing at all... there aren't too many physical geography sessions; most of it seems to be human geography (BOR-ING) haha!

Anyway, aside from the fact that I was disappointed in the lack of cool-ness on the part of Geographers, I had a pretty decent day. I looked good; I scored a Banana Republic khaki pencil skirt for $3 and a nice, fitted white blouse for $3 from the Goodwill on Wednesday! You just can't beat that. It was really nice to spend time with friends, too. I just don't get to do that too often, but this week I hung out with friends TWICE. Holy crap. I feel terrible because I truly haven't had time (or made time, I suppose) in about 2 years to hang out with friends. I guess its almost analogous with what Teddy is going through....almost. But its such a good feeling to know that I do have friends, and they are wonderful, and I am not alone in the world. So, thank you. You are freaking awesome.

Plus, I made a new friend yesterday. Pat is one of my closest friends from school, and she is just the coolest. She's 20 years older than I, and gay. And, super-smart and really cool to be around. She brought her girlfriend Heidi along yesterday, and they are the coolest couple I've ever met, I think. They've been together for like 14 years or something, and have raised 2 children together. I give them a great-big imaginary high-five for being so awesome.

And, in honor of Texas, here is a good one!

OK, enough for now. I'm going upstairs to play with kittens.

A little better.

Teddy called yesterday. We talked for a long time, and I feel a lot better about everything. I mean, I still feel terrible, but much less terrible now.

There is no animosity between us; this split is 100% amicable. Teddy truly feels that this is necessary in order for him to be able to put 100% effort into his schoolwork. I have to respect that. He also said that this is the biggest sacrifice he has ever had to make. Of course, I will never understand why he has to make this sacrifice, but I understand that he feels that he does. I just feel a lot better knowing that I don't have to beat myself up over this. Our feelings for each other haven't changed, which for some reason just makes this a lot easier. At first I thought that he just stopped loving me, and that was what was the worst part, I think. Of course, at the same time, I feel like this whole thing is stupid and pointless because if two people love each other, they should be together, but... there's really nothing I can do about it at this point. I think the only thing I can do is concentrate on what's best for my future, and keep my head up.

On the more practical side of things (which has also been a major source of stress to me recently), Teddy said I don't have to worry about hurrying to box up all of my stuff from the apartment; I can think of it as 'free storage' until I find a place. That's a big relief. He also pointed out that I have my scooter, and a scooter-parking permit is much cheaper than for a car. So I don't necessarily have to worry about finding an apartment that's really close to campus at this point, either. Another huge relief.

So, I guess for now I'm just glad that we can talk to each other civilly, even as friends, and not feel any resentment or coldness. For now. I hope that we can keep it that way. I have no misconceptions about what the future may hold; nobody knows what the future holds. All I can do is take it one day at a time and keep an open mind, and hope that everything turns out OK, no matter what the outcome is.

Bad dreams.

I'm sorry to be such a "Debbie-Downer" lately. I never meant for this blog to be a personal journal, but.....well, its my blog, and I can do what I want! It makes me feel a little better to be able to 'talk' (re: type) about what's going on right now, and anything that makes me feel better is a good thing right now. So, stick with me; I promise I won't be like this forever.

I had dreams all night. Right now, that is not a good thing; my dreams tend to be about him, and us, and doing normal day-to-day stuff. Needless to say, I wake up very sad because I realize it was all a dream, and there is no us anymore. Last night (in my dream) we were on vacation somewhere (maybe Colorado?), looking around at a rock shop with some cool jewelry. Just like in real life. And he was teasing me about picking out a ring...just like in real life. So when my alarm went off and I woke up, I was really sad. So I went back to sleep. Then I knew didn't think about the old us anymore, and dreamt about the new us. The us that isn't "us". I then dreamt that I had a text message on my phone this morning from him asking about an article I posted on Facebook (here; very funny, I actually laughed yesterday!). I was pleasantly surprised that he texted me, but also irritated because I knew that he hadn't changed his mind. Also, just like in real life. Except for the text message part - I'm pretty sure he won't be texting me today.

I'm going to try to go to the campus counseling center later today... I don't think I need an appointment. Or maybe I can make one. I don't want to give the impression that I'm weepy or I haven't eaten/showered/gotten out of bed in days... I'm not like that....for the most part (j/k). I'm just sad, and a little angry, like any person in my situation would be. I just want to use all of my available resources to get through this, and I think counseling can't possibly hurt anything.

Anyway, I should probably get a move on it. I want to get to school a few hours early so I can see the counselor, fix my makeup (after I cry it all off), and print some stuff before classes.

I'm trying.

Today was pretty hard for me. I stayed busy for the first half of the day, and got a lot accomplished. (I forgot to add earlier that I put all of my goldfish out in the pond today, so they're happy). But when I ran out of things to do (OK, that never happens, but I ran out of things that I could do mindlessly), my day sort of stalled.

I'm trying to just keep myself busy (which really shouldn't be hard, because I have a lot to do in the near future), but a) its hard to stay motivated; b) I'm having a hard time concentrating sometimes; and c) doing the things that I need to be doing is actually the hardest (like figuring out where I'm going to live/work/etc. in Texas) and makes me really sad. So I'm avoiding doing those things right now. Like always, I'm just reminding myself to take things one step at a time, little-by-little.

I'm really irritable and, frankly, not very nice right now. Not that its a good excuse (but it is an excuse!), but I'm just sad....and angry.... at life. It will pass. But its hard. And I don't like being not-nice. I just don't feel any joy right now, so its hard to be nice, or at least in a good mood. Or even civil. But, I know it will pass. Someday I'll feel happy again. I'm actually considering going to the counselor on campus tomorrow. I've never been, but I just think it might be a good idea, maybe just to figure out a strategy to deal with my feeling of loss. I know I have a lot to look forward to, its just difficult to actually look forward to it. I don't know. I think its worth a shot. And its free during the regular semester, so I might as well take advantage of it for the next 3 weeks.

In the meantime, a few more things that make me happy:

Avocadoes, clean dogs, mango salsa, a clean room, an organized bookcase, paintings of ships, and Oreos.

Sunday

Today, I got a lot of stuff done. I finished my GIS lab by 10:00 this morning, which was nice. My dad and I got my air conditioner put in my window (yay), and then I did a lot of spring cleaning/purging. Re-organized my bookshelf. Cleaned all of my countertops. Did laundry. Put away more winter stuff. Organized my shoes. Gave both of my dogs baths. I cut my thumb really badly on some glass that was in the trash can, though, and already bled through 2 bandaids in about 5 minutes. Now its all wrapped-up in gauze and medical tape. Much better.

Getting things done helps me keep my mind on the positive. Its a good step.

15 things that make me happy.

Just a list of things, because sometimes we forget.

1. Drawing

2. Happy movies

3. The sound of the ocean

4. Finding treasures

5. My dogs

6. Doing well at school

7. My garden

8. Riding my scooter

9. Making friends

10. Cleaning house (yes, really)

11. Yard sales

12. Travelling

13. Being recognized for my accomplishments

14. Learning new things

15. Fish

Today, I am happy.

Isn't it amazing what a difference it makes when you're not PMS-ing?!?

Ahem.

I had a good day today. The sun was shining and it wasn't as hot as it was yesterday (and now its downright chilly); I won an award for my GPA at our departmental banquet today; and I took care of some more future-school business. Good stuff.

Oh, and earlier this week I received the Outstanding Undergraduate Paper Award from the Society for Sedimentary Geologists for my presentation at the NE/SE Regional Chapter Meeting of the Geological Society of America conference I attended last month! I wasn't expecting it, but it came in the mail a few days ago, and I am super-excited!

Its going to be a busy weekend - I have tons of work to do for the upcoming week, and really I think its going to be insane for the next 3 weeks - but then I'm dooooone!!! Yay!

.....

Sorry for my silence the last week or so... I've been under a lot of stress.

I'm still under a lot of stress, but I just feel like I need to "talk" (ok, blog) about it some. I don't want to divulge a lot of information because its a very personal matter, but I think that blogging helps me to...I don't know, to clear my head. (Meds help, too.)

So, how do I say this without spilling my guts online? I guess the bottom line, and the thing that I found out that I need to be reminded of, is that nobody knows what will happen in their life. Heck, nobody really knows what's going to happen in 5 minutes. Anything is possible, be it good or bad (but we can hope for the best).

I'll admit that I like to have PLANS. You know, like LIFE plans. I love to think (maybe even daydream) about the future, and the promise it holds, and all of the little details about it - what my house will look like, what kind of car I'll drive, my job, my family.... and I think(?) that's pretty normal, especially for a 25 year old woman who is about to graduate from college and move on to the next stage of her life.

But what do you do when one little phrase changes everything you ever hoped for? Maybe nothing has changed at all, but because that one little phrase was uttered, its in the back of your mind, nagging at you, turning your stomach over and making you feel like you can't breath sometimes.

"I don't know."

I think. hope. pray. that phrase was spoken because of stress, and because of distance, and not because that person really "doesn't know".

Because I know. I've known for a long time. And that's why I hurt so much.